my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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