How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize