Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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