ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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