Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
