The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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