I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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