someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found the puke drawer
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize