If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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