Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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