the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
