In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
