spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
