I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
