she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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