Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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