it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
