I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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