dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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