so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
