So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
