If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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