I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
