I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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