physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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