my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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