I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
