I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
should my penis look like a turkey
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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