If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
