he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
