I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish you could order shots online.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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