So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
