Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There r osticjed everywhere
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
