don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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