would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
