It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
