Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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