When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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