i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i can run in heels then i can drive
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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