I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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