If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
