I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
its liver damage thursday
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
