he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
