our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
