i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
