Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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