Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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