Moan for me like Helen Keller
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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