you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
