she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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