How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
