I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize