i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
