Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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