sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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