Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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