Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
