Kiss
Puke
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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