Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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