somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
