You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
