By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
