I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
