i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
