So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
