I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
