youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
