im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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