Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I party with great urgency now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
