what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize