I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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