what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
