So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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