I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
