i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
