Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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