The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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