From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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