she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Boobs are out for the taking
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
