Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
