I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
