my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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