I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
