Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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